I have finished reading The Wilderking Trilogy. I finished this morning, but I've been having fun on the internet. I have been keeping up very well with all the posts on the FG forum. And I edited a PDF file with Photoshop all by my lonesome! Amazing. currently I'm writing this post, downloading the Guard intro video and keeping tabs on the FG forums. Oh yes, and playing with Blogger Help. Love that thing.
Ah, but the post title, you're probably wondering, What the heck? Yes. That is to do with the Trilogy. Rogers can't just end like that. There needs to be more books! Not that the ending is bad or anything. There just... ach!, needs to be more! It's to good a story and characters not too! But he likely won't. *sighs*
So I play with my new friends in the FG to comfort myself. So much better than comfort food.
Wow, this is taking awhile to write this post. I'm doing too many things at once I guess. Soon I'll link to the PDF and give out my Guard #. I'm working on that right now too.
To all the feechies at heart!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
NO! It... it can't.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Countdown
Maybe I should do this more often.
Really, you'll never believe what all I accomplished today simply because I have nothing else to do. And will die if I do nothing.
Was downstairs and ready to go a little before 800. Took a walk for around 820 to 840. Talked to a guy from North Robinson who was mowing for the county. Nice guy, odd conversation. So get back home. Do one lesson in music. (Love finishing subjects before school even starts. And this is why we love homeschooling.) Hung out laundry (the towels). (This is the unbelievable one.) I finished my current comp assignment. (!) Now on to the next one. *gags* I hang out more laundry (work clothes). Typed up recipes to send out to people. Typed up transcript beginings for us schoolmates still in school. Made a batch of peanut butter cookies. Made good progress on my planbook. Did a second music lesson. And somewhere in there I've gone on my internet rounds 3 times. Incuding all the posts in the new FG forum. I now have two hours till Dad comes home. (He has some stops to make. Library of course and Wal-Mart I think.)
I'm proud of myself.
Mom went to a moms thing at the Off Center Cafe and said she'd be back between 4 and 5. I need to start the chicken if she's not back in time, prolly around quarter till 5. I originally thought I'd start reading at 4, but if Dad's not getting back til 530, but then I might have to fix supper... *grabs a pillow and screams*
See, I stopped off reading Bog Owl last night after chapter 17. (Wait, let me run see how many chapters there are.) There's 27 chapters and an epilogue. That gives me 10 chapters to read (and an epilogue *grins*). I'm a horrible estimater and have no idea how long it will take me to read it. I guess I'll start a little after 4. Hmph. I'll try to convince myself that it's not the end. It's just a pause, an intermission ... of about 2 seconds as I tear off to the door and franticly rip Swamp King out of Dad's hands.
I'll make it. I have recipes I can type up and music lessons to do.
To the books of the world and all desperate waiting involved.
(Seriously, this is fun. Try it some time.)
Shine~Ley
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
*Sings* "It's a Beautiful Day..."
So many happy things today! Well, we went to the movies, John Tucker Must Die. Not all but half bad! Crystal spent the night last night and we stayed up really late. Just ask Tasha. And...
The Forest Guard site is up! And the forum. I'm so excited. Next week I get to start Mission Saint. I'll be sure to post my guard number and the PDF file of the comic book (if I can figure out how, that is).
The Y thing was canceled. God forgive me, but I'm rejoicing inside. Mrs. Shackle asked us to help next week, but we can't. Tasha has her eye appointment and we're all going to the library. *sighs quietly with relief* The circumstances around it aren't that great though. Mrs. Sherer is sick (I think, I might have heard that wrong) and Bethany had an allergic reaction to the chlorine in the pool the other kids threw her into last night. (Adam had a bonfire.) She told them before, but they did it anyway. (Sometimes I don't understand my own generation.) Tasha came home early last night for that reason. She was trying to stop them and got a wee bit upset. Bethany had to go to the emergency room. *sighs*
Moving on to more pleasant topics. You'll never guess what I'm getting tomorrow. To read. From the library. (Okay, so you might be able to guess.)
Yes, yes, yes! The Secret of the Swamp King! It's currently In Transit. (Actually let me check. One moment please. And yes, I know I'm obsessive. You don't have to tell me.) Yup, still Transit. Along with my other two books. I just love it when everything cooperates like this. Dark Fathom is one of the ones on hold. It's been on hold since December. Yes, December. It's been in processing since December. I'm glad they finally got it moving. My hold expires next month.
Well, back off to reading The Bark of the Bog Owl. (Yes again. What do you think I am, some sort of monster?! *mumbles to self* Not re-reading a book before reading the sequels... heathens!)
Friday, August 04, 2006
Shopping!
Yeah, fun. *rolls eyes* Hey, at least I got a binder. *grin* It's all full up of online serials. Sure didn't take long. Just maybe two more.... and I should be good! For a while anyways.
I need my book! *weeps* 1.5 hours left. I don't think I can make it. I'm going to, I don't know, pass out!
But to pass the time you must check out this. I love these! It's amazing how many talented people are out there with stories like these to tell. Publishers take note! Authors in the making over at the forum! (I for one would buy books like these, knowing they're clean: priceless.)
Waiting impatiently for the world to end,
Sincerely,
If I can survive...
I'll get to read The Way of the Wilderking! It's sitting upstairs in my bedroom at this moment, begging to be read. Seriously, I can hear it if I listen hard enough.
Dad brought it home last night, but sadly, the second one isn't in yet. (Do not worry. I'm checking my library account, like, every five minutes. I'm sure they love me.) So I wait. I don't plan on starting the next book in my pile until 16:30. Then I'll have the whole weekend to finish it, without worrying that I might have three books glaring at me from the endtable as I hurry to finish it. I'll have three whole days. I should be fine.
But that book had better come today! I'm slowly wilting. Believe it or not, I'm already done with my chores because I had nothing better to do and was trying to stay away from the computer for a few minutes anyway. I've actually prayed that it would come today. Normally I'm not that frivolous, but I figure I need it.
Here's why. Mom and Dad have volunteered us for this thing at the Y. Only one time (it's almost over anyway) but I don't handle these things well. It's sorta like a backyard Bible school program. It's starts at 10 (on tuesday) and should end somewhere between 11:30 and 12. Lots of kids and nowhere to run. Lots of kids as in around 40. I'll try to give an account on tuesday. If I'm still alive and capable of typing. (You know, not at the hospital in a coma or anything.)
Then again. Maybe it would be better if it came in tuesday. Then I would have something to bury myself in to cover up the horror of the experience as it wears off. Three books oughta do it. I hope.
To all you out there who've ever had to wait for something. I feel for you.
Shine like Stars,
Monday, July 31, 2006
Finally, it's Done
Yes, it's done, I submitted my application to Mission-0101: Saint. I have made my decision. Wanna guess what it is? Come on.. I love these games.
Okay, okay, fine, I'll tell you.... tomorrow? (I just love playing with myself.)
Today, fine.
PDF version, I chose. Of course, I immediately regretted my decision, but it was too late! It was off, sent somewhere into the deep realm of cyberspace that roam everyday. See, I belong here, I made a wise choice.
I know that if I had chose the physical I would have regretted it too. So it doesn't really matter. I'll just leave it up to God. Whatever they send me, that's what I'll do. It did say "if you had to choose..." so it may not be definite.
Either way I wait impatiently for, first August 7th, then the 14th. The 7th is when the FG website and section on the forum both open. The 14th is when further instructions arrive.
Long couple of weeks.
But then I also have those books I'm waiting for... supposed to take two to four weeks... this thursday makes two.... SOON!
And to make things absolutely beeauutiful, school starts th 21st! I think I just fell in love with August.
*sigh*
And if you're reading this, pray for everyone over at the forum. It's getting better (example: the sigs have been fixed) but the internationals can't join and nobody really likes that. There's only 4 mods for the whole site and it's hard for them.
Dive Deep
Always Shine
Never break the Circle
Friday, July 28, 2006
I'm In
Well, actually we're all in. Anyone who applied for the FG was accepted (or close to anyway). Now I have to apply for the mission. The problem is: I have to ask for parental permission. You're going, What's the big deal? and I'm going Nothing... really. See, I know I'll get permission. The problem is the actual asking of it. I asked Mom, I was almost shaking. She said it sounded ok, but ask Dad. *sighs* Now I'm feeling like I'm going to throw up. I can't just ask DAD!!!
I know, I'm weird. It's not like I don't love Dad or anything. It's just I'm shy. An unfortunate defect. I have til thursday to get up the nerve.
The other question I have is less important (and annoying). Mostly because I'm pretty sure of the answer. They will give you actual paper copies of the graphic novel or send you a PDF file copy of it. So I can pass it out to people or post around on various forums I go to. Along with here and an e-mail loop I'm on. I'm thinking PDF. Not altogether decided though. I'll get Dad's opinion when I get the gut to ask.
*moans* I am going to die.
Sorry, pathetic moment past.
I have 6 days. Wish me luck. (Or better yet, pray!)
Shine~Ley
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Update on the Guard
I've been restless all day. I hardly managed to read my book, but forced myself until I got interested enough. I planned on finishing it tonight and probably would've made it. Then I remembered that Crystal was spending the night tonight. About 5 minutes before they got here. Nathan and Crystal are in the dining room doing chemistry with Dad while I'm in here in the living room hurrying to write this. Normally I love sitting in on the chemistry lessons. Today I couldn't get into it. Wonder why?
On the forum today, there was really nothing new about FG. I'm being impatient. I shouldn't expect anything until maybe the 1st. That's not too long.
I finally got the second Mask video loaded on my slow computer. The end is hilarious. I can't believe he actually posted that on the internet. Yeah, real calming music. ('Course for me, that is.)
Ah, but something very interesting on the forum, perhaps I'll finally understand all the references to The Circus now, The Three Ring Circus. You have to check this out. I haven't hardly gotten into it yet. It's like 130 pages long. (Yes, I copied it all into Word. And, no, I did not print it. That will be a slow process and only after a bit of proofing. My style of copy-paste wasn't the most accurate.) It's amazing so far.
I'm dying to know. I'm still undecided on whether I really want to do this. I scared of what I'd have to do if I got it. But I think it would be so awesome at the same time. Confusion!
BTW, to all the readers in the future who actually know me, my sn on The Circle is leigolast. And to all the people who don't know me, don't feel left out. They don't know what it means either. MWAHAHAHAHA!
Dive Deep
Always Shine
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
The Forest Guard
The Forest Guard needs help! And I have applied for the position. I doubt I'll be accepted but I refuse to let my shyness stop me from reaching out with both hands this time! I've read much about the FG today and it has bolstered my spirits till I almost feel I could do it. A good thing considering there is the chance I might have to.
No, really, I am excited. I'm just extremely nervous also. No real reason to be, I know. The chances of me getting one of the positions is slim and getting slimmer. (2 hours left) But there is such a realm of possibility, currently just beyond my reach.
I tell you what, I'm going to start reading Dekker's blog. I've revisited the forum too. I hide just below the surface in the murky waters of Lurkdom. Find me if you dare.
I'm starting to get fidgety. Not cool. Bad thing is, I don't even know when the accepted FG will be announced. I'll have to start checking for rumors. It's likely been changed with the new closing for applications date.
Ah well. We'll see.
Until then,
Dive Deep
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Help me! I'm doing it again.
I read one of the most awesome books on ... sunday! It's called The Bark of the Bog Owl by Jonathan Rogers. It's the first book in the Wilderking Trilogy.
The library *grrr* doesn't have the last two, The Secret of the Swamp King and The Way of the Wilderking. So I have to ILL them. (That would be Inter-Library Loan.) We're going to the library on thursday and I think it'll take about two weeks... but I'm really not sure because I don't remember how long it took last time I ILL'd something. *sigh*
I'm going to die. Somebody will kill me, sure. I'm going to be going up and down the walls and everybody's nerves too. (Multi-tasking!) I'm so impatient! To make things all over worse, guess what I'm reading currently. Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner. I'm telling you this guy needed more grammar lessons or love or something as a child, because he has apparently forgotten this important thing known to normal people as a period. A little dot, you know, that comes at the end of sentences. There was one paragraph, (the first in the book in fact) it was over half a page long and it contained 2 sentences. Do you know how hard that is to read? Very, let me tell ya. So far it also seems to have no plot whatsoever.
Hey, you never know, it might get better.
Might being the key word there, might.
But probably won't.
If I hurry today I might finish it.
Might being the key word there.
I can't wait till thursday.
(Feechies rule!)
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Warning!
I'm just here to write because I can't seem to do anything else. (At least not for more than 2 minutes at a time. That gets annoying.) Sooo....
I finished an amazing book this morning, afternoon, 1ish o'clock. There we go. 1ish o'clock. It's called Relentless. If you think it sounds good and you'd like to read it, let me give you some advice: Don't! It's not that I have anything against the book. (Hello? Did I not just say it was amazing.) It's just that it is so darn good! And it ends... and I'll be dying a slow and painful death until next July when book 2 in The Dominion Trilogy comes out. (I'll revive slightly then.) Then go through the process again until July 2008!
See? I'm just trying to save you pain. Buy the whole trilogy in 2008 and spare yourself the heartache that I am currently going through. Too late for me; save yourselves!
*spoilers*
I'll (not-so-freely) admit it. I liked the Thresher even when I first met him. *cringes* Don't hate me? I know, I know, he's an assassin. *switches to whiney voice* We're not supposed to like assassins. They're bad people. But they're interesting! And he is so darn good. I didn't realize about his speed thing until I saw him through someone else's eyes. Very sweet. *grins* (Gonna have to look that up in the book again. Get the details of why right.) And seriously, he is almost a good guy now! So close... (yeah, I get it, so far...) Give the cool guy a break.
I can't believe that Maximilian killed Hannah. (Okay, so I can, but you know what I mean!) Mean! Mean, mean, mean, cruel and cold-hearted and mean. Humph.
Okay, I'm over my grump.
This turned into something a bit more specific than just "Ramblings". Prehaps I should change the name. Then again, I think this is exactly what I came to write about. Assuredly deeper than ramblings.
An idea just hit me. What if I put my stories on a blog. Made a blog for each one that I have a good bit written on... That would be fun. It's not like anyone reads this stuff anyway... brilliant! Not just yet, but perhaps soon. I can go check some things out now.
God bless,
Shine~Ley
Monday, July 10, 2006
Oh, what a Beautiful Day
Guess what I get to do this evening...
See Dead Man's Chest! Can any y'all say boo-yah?
We're going with Nathan and Crystal, of course. I'm so excited. Cap'n Jack is hilarious. Tasha has already seen it, but I am not going to allow that to ruin it for me. Besides, I could have gone but decided not to for my poor income's sake. To show you just how bad it is: I have $17 and I feel absolutely rich.
Other news of interest would include (1) They actually put my insert in this week. Frightening experience. (2) I've been writing! I am making progress in Keepers and Si's story. It's amazing. I think I'm in love.
There's really nothing else to write. I just had to put that I'm going to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. (Call me obsessive and get it over with.)
God bless!
Monday, July 03, 2006
Money Problems
Money problems, yeah that works. Doesn't money always cause problems? Maybe we should just get rid of it. Go back to the bartering system. I'd go for it.
See, yesterday I found out that Dad told Mr. Burgin a few months ago that Tasha aand I didn't want to work for him this summer so he has found someone else for the job of driving a tractor in the early morning hours. I admit, I'm probably the one who gave him this impression. I have an unnatural dread of the job. Lawn-mowing too, which has devolved onto me. I don't why, I just get nervous and am tempted to cry. But this spring and summer mowing the yard I've worked very hard at overcoming this fear and it really hits me at all anymore.
Mom, Natasha and I have discussed and worked out everything. I would work mondays, fridays and saturdays, the days when Tasha has to go in to work at 9:00. Tasha got the other days. Three days each, good and fair. Unfortunately Dad was left out of all these conversations, so all our decisions have come to nothing.
Dad was very apologetic, as was Mom (why? she had nothing to do with it? never understand some people...), but I was still disappointed. My main income, money I was depending on, just slipped through my fingers and down the drain.
Oops.
I'm okay. I'll make it. I don't have anything I have to buy until October, Crystal's birthday. Right now there's 2 loaves of bread baking in the oven that will make me $2 profit each. A third on the table thawing. There's always lawn-mowing. And when the holiday season comes I'll be temporarily rich. Worn out from all the darn baking, but rich by my own standards.
Point being, I'll live. I just won't have as many books, clothes, cd's and notebooks to do it with. (I really do need another pair of jeans though. I only have one I'm comfortable in, and one other besides. But it's summer, I'll live a couple of months.)
They say money is the root of all evil. I agree.
Friday, June 30, 2006
One more thing
I have to announce this. Can't believe I forgot! My German came today. Rosetta Stone curriculum. Really good they say.
When can I start?
It's Over
Finally, yes, it's done. Everything.
CHEO, graduation, and graduation party. And mini shopping trip with Grandma. And my bulletin insert.
And.... reading DragonKnight!
Ok, let's back up.
It started on friday. (Well, actually it started on thursday, but I didn't go. *grin*) The whole family (yup, all four of us) got into the van and drove of to Columbus to the CHEO (Christian Home Educators of Ohio) convention. Two good things come to mind about friday. 1: Dad dragged me off to the Good Stewerd Books booth and made me pick out a book to buy. I saw DragonSpell and, well, was there any choice after that? 2: We got to listen to RadioU while in Columbus. I guess you could make it three if you count all the exercise I got running around the humongous building.
Saturday was worse. Tasha's graduation. I count one thing I enjoyed about saturday. I got to play amateur photographer with Dad's camera. And of course RadioU.
Sunday. Tasha's graduation party. Whee. Three hours of people. People I don't know, for that matter. As if we aren't all tired enough already. *sigh* After the people leave we have to go to Adam's grad party. Good thing there. We got to play some badmitton. (poor birdy...) And Danielle and Erica were good. It was a nice change. *grin*
Go home, fall into bed.
Next day? (Ah, dear monday, so close to my heart...) (Yes, that was sarcasm.) Grandma comes over. Now don't get me wrong, Grandma is awesome. Yes, she probably needs some help, but don't we all? Besides she says she's only like this when with us. I don't believe her. We went "shopping". So it only consisted of one store. We still went somewhere. Then to lunch at El Campestre. The server there remembers us (ah, bad memories, bad memories...). His name is Margarito. We went on Tasha's birthday and she got to wear a sombrero! Admittedly, it's bad when the waiter knows your orders after three times.
The one store we went to was The Bookery, a Christian book store. Grandma bought us all a book and I bet you already know which one I got. DragonKnight! So my day was made. Can we go home now?
We did. And played Phase 10. Mom actually won. Grandma always wins. It was amazing, a miracle.
And finally Tuesday came. Unfortunately I was in the middle of a series and had to finish.
Wednesday wasn't a good day. I had to write a bulletin insert about our youth group. What we're into right now, etc. Right now, we're not doing much of anything though, so... yeah. It was also my first. I freaked out most of the day, sneaking in bits of DragonSpell whenever I could and finally finished. I will be surprised if it's actually in the bulletin on sunday. Once I finished though, I read like mad. Finished DragonSpell at like 11:30 that night. I love these books.
Yesterday was the most fun though. I got up, took my shower, read my short section of history (yes, but I'm almost done!) and sat down to read DragonQuest. Around 9:30 Mom tells me I need to take a walk sometime. "Now?" "Sure." So I take a walk, 20 minutes, 1 mile. I'm back and reading again. Finish DragonQuest and start DragonKnight. I finished DragonKnight very early this morning. As in 12:20 this morning.
It was amazing. Beautiful. Whatever else one could ever think of to call it (only good words of course) it was. I loved it. Now I have to wait for the last one though. DragonFire. Should come out June next year. But it's ok. Because before that comes... the third Tahn book! (If only I knew the title, it would sound so much better.) January 1st it will be released. I'll preorder it of course.
That's my past week. Some good, some not.
Remind me never to graduate.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
My Regrets with Crystal, Part 2
I'm back. Everyone's gone. Now where was I.... Ah, yes...
Friday afternoon Crystal called, I'm not even sure why. Mom thought she sounded bored, understandable, there's not a lot to do at her house. So Mom looks over at me, whispers, "Do you mind if I invite her to spend the night?"
I sigh inwardly but shrug, "Sure, whatever." I stare at the book on the island in front of me. I'll sure never get it finished today now. But for Crystal, sigh, okay.
But that was just how it all started. I mean, I'm not so selfish that I can't get over not reading a book in the evening like I wanted to.
She comes. We have an enjoyable time. I send a sigh to the heavens. Okay, I get it. I need to socialize; this is good for me. That evening we're sitting on my bed talking. It's starting to get late; we really should go to sleep. But we keep talking. About everything, things neither of us have talked about for a very long time, or ever. I admit, she did more talking than I did, but it always works that way. And I sure did get to thinking.
We talked about her mom and dad. What we missed. Her new homelife. How she got along with her new "family". I still can't get used to her calling her aunt and uncle, mom and dad. It seems like they're to old to switch like that. I don't think I'll ever like it.
Then she decided she wanted to hear me talk more, I guess. She asked about my stories. "Tell me about one of them." I stutter around Ryn's childhood. Then I reach the part when she meets Caleb again, after all those years. And I just don't know how to explain. "Read it to me." And I did. I got out my notebook and read part of their meeting. When I couldn't stand to read any more out loud, I gave it to her to finish. I pray to God that there's a day when I won't regret that. But I don't think it'll be soon in coming.
The compliments and encouragement she gave me touched me deeply. Gosh it was only a rough first draft. But it hurt, still does.
Unfortunately, that's not the end.
Saturday. A new dawn, a clean slate, right? If only it were that easy. We slept in late, watched Scooby Doo. Twice. (For some reason she's addicted to commentaries.) Theresa called. "We're headed to Mansfield in a few minutes. Do you want us to pick you up on the way there or the way back?" The way back, of course. Fine with me. They'd be here to pick her up, what, two, three at latest? Sounds okay. I'll survive.
They didn't get there until 5:30. I didn't have a single minute to myself that day. That afternoon up in my room, she asked to borrow some books. How does one refuse? She took three. I don't mind. It's the ones she took that bothered. None I read before. That seems inconsequential, I know. And it wasn't actually that I hadn't read the books. I had. Just not these books. I'd read the copies from the library, but these were mine. Call me posessive, but if there was anything I could've done to have stopped her from taking those (outside the extremely dramatic) I would've. I prayed that God would let her forget, anything. Nothing. She left my house with three books I didn't own. Never would. Because reading a book is what makes it yours. Those books will never be mine. (I seriously hope I am being overly dramatic, I fear I'm not.) I hope the years will fade those first readings and make them mine again.
Saturday night I sat on my floor and cried, begged God to make it better. I hurt. I'd given something I feared wasn't mine. My story. I gave so much of myself. Add the books and I think I gave too much.
There's one other thing I regret about that friday night. Crystal asked me what I missed most about Aunt Carol and I never really answered. I know now.
....
Her laugh.
My Regrets with Crystal
Today is Tasha's birthday. She's 18, an adult. Scary. Nathan and Crystal are coming over for supper of course. Should be here any minute in fact. I have to hurry. Richard's not coming; he's down in Texas. I'm not looking forward to seeing Crystal. The last visit left me in tears. Not that anyone saw. I wouldn't dare.
It all started friday afternoon....
Hopefully I'll get back. They're here.
With all hope,
Monday, June 05, 2006
Poster
I got my poster today! I am so happy. Now I just have to wait for my room to get finished so I can put it on my wall. *sigh* Hopefully this summer. I know exactly where I'm going to put it. Actually I know how I'm going to arrange my whole room. I get to unpack all my boxes, get rid of some stuff. (After all, if I've lived without it for 2 years how important can it be?) Oh I can't wait. Please God, let it be finished this summer.
The poster is humongous. It is so sweet. It's the cover of the third book in the DragonKeeper series, DragonKnight. At the bottom of the poster are all three book covers. I can't wait till I can buy the book! Just a few more days till it's out. 'Course I have to have the money too. I should though. I think.
Either way, I will read this book sometime soon. I can't wait. Hehe. Soon, my pretties, soon!
Well, I need to go eat my lunch, then shopping for Tasha's birthday present. What to get... Oh dear.
God bless,
Shine~Ley
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Of Hurts and Love
Natasha went to see X3 again last night. Adam called up and Tasha asked me to go, but Mark and Kami were here with there five kids and I gave an indefinite answer because I wasn't sure how much money I had. Then I remembered that I had gotten a check in the mail from Grandma and Grandpa that day. If I could borrow a couple of bucks until I could cash it, I'd be fine. But Adam came and picked her up and she left without offering again. So I stayed home. And I admit it, I cried myself to sleep last night. Not my greatest moment.
I now know what happened after the credits because Tasha told Dad and I was sitting there too. I don't think she's realized how much she hurt me. Maybe I didn't give a vague enough amswer. Maybe she thought I really didn't want to stay up that late (like I care). I was up that late anyway. I heard her come home. Couldn't sleep.
I realize that this probably sounds pathetic. Believe me, you have no idea how much I tried to convince myself last night that it was just a stupid movie. I didn't succeed. X-Men has become one of my obsessions. One of the good ones and one of the few ones of this level. This is a high. I use this to survive. It's something that drives me. Not quite to the extent of my Germany and stories, but only because those are constant and this will eventually fade. I'll always have it though. And I'll always regret yesterday. I could've done something more. I know that. But I can't manage to push myself. If she'd known I have no doubt I would have been in that theater last night.
But there's nothing more to do about it now. I just hope to see it in dollar. Please God.
Bless you in your chances,
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